Bottom Gun

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The Guardian (not to be confused with the only newspaper Mark reads) - 2006 action film starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher. Mark rechristened it on the grounds that it was like Top Gun, but underwater.

Mark enjoyed the first 90 minutes of Costner-Kutcher Officer And A Gentleman-style bonding, which goes on until the training is over and Alaska looms, at which point the film seems to end - to the extent that Mark was actually out his seat and leaving the cinema. He was then rather surprised when the film suddenly continued again, and in doing so had three endings that dragged the drama out to disappointingly dismal effect. It was therefore suggested that a prospective cinema-goer time their evening, and that after an hour and a half - as the screen goes to black - shout "thank you Kevin, I'm off to the pub" at the screen and leave.

However, both Mark and Simon were dissatisfied with "thank you Kevin, I'm off to the pub" and threw it open to listeners to suggest a better line. The winner was "this is the death of maritime cinema."