Wittertainment Cruise

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An annual event visiting many ports around the world, usually where Colonial commoners are located. The exact itinerary for each cruise is a closely guarded secret but we do know that Liam Neeson will be driving the boat for at least part of the trip, as the cruise is run as an anarcho-syndicalist commune where all on board will take turns at the role of captain.

The planned deck quoits competition has had to be cancelled due to an "incident" on a previous cruise.

Cruise embarkation points are to include:

  • Colima, Mexico. Trips to the active volcano will be available
  • Block Island Sound, near Connecticut
  • Bangkok, where many listeners reside
  • Hong Kong, once permission from the port authority has been granted
  • Tromso, Norway. Simon will be leading the Love Party excursion personally.
  • Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. The sailing excursion here has had to be cancelled due to lack of wind in Edmonton.
  • Tallahassee, USA. We will be docking here briefly to pick up the two Wittr app users from the city. They will be sharing a cabin for the remainder of the cruise.
  • Edinburgh, this has be been pencilled into the schedule after another port of call had to be dropped from the itinerary due to an incident with a ruler and some spaghetti (please nobody mention this!).

Advanced tickets for this years cruise have been allocated and the letters sent out. New applicants for tickets will be invited to the interview round shortly. When attending the interviews please do remember that the swim suit round will follow immediately, so pack accordingly. Full length, knitted, one pieces are recommended. "Budgie smugglers" are frowned upon, unless you are of Antipodean heritage and you are accessorizing them with "thongs" and cork hat.

A typical days activities on the cruise would be:

  • 11:30 Quoits
  • 13:00 Lunch: Anything without a face with broccoli, a ham sandwich and catfood
  • 14:30 Margheritas
  • 15:30 Tea
  • 17:00 Shuffleboard on the poop deck
  • 18:30 Battening down the hatches
  • 19:30 Jägerbombs
  • 20:30 Tromsø Love Party (National Costume)
  • 23:00 Sing-a-long-a-The-Jam with Mark and Simon

Previous Cruises

  • Aug 2014. Probably one of the best that they've done even though they stayed too long in the Caribbean and should've done New Zealand for a little bit longer.
  • Jul-Aug 2016. Jason Statham (The Stathe) gave the ok to go to "that place". Liam Neeson organised someone else, exactly who was unclear, to drive the boat, which was last seen on the edge of the Bermuda Triangle apparently circling rapidly whilst Mark and Simon recreated a scene from The Expendables. Unfortunately Mark's choice of swimwear, lime green "budgie smugglers", seemed to have attracted a considerable amount of unwanted attention from a flock of brown boobys. The presence of these large sea birds on deck caused the cancellation of the planned quoits competition for the third year in a row. Formal night was a highlight as both Mark and Simon wore their solid gold tuxedos, paid for with their royalties from the Wittr app.

Other highlights were Simons unsightly quoit stain and the Chinese burn given to Mark by The Stathe for correcting his grammar. Jason Isaacs also complained of all the unnecessary snorkeling. It should also be noted that Mr Isaacs juggling has improved significantly. Evening entertainment included Marks solo dance interpretation of The Exorcist to Céline Dion's My Heart Will Go On, and Simon beating Sir Ken Chuckles Branagh in the final of the limbo competition, although Chuckles is disputing Simons winning limbo attempt due to the use of performance enhancing marzipan.

The lack of bridal suite on the ship was due to having to find accommodation for the brass band who accompany certain films on the cruise. On next year's cruise the bridal suite will be re-established as the brass band are not being invited back, due to an "issue" with the euphonium player and one of the ice sculptures displayed in the main dining room. The cost of booking the bridal suite is deliberately expensive, not because of any extra accoutrements but purely to further line the pockets of the Good Doctors.

  • 2017. Due the to "unpleasantness" last year cabins will be allocated on a first come first serve basis, in line with the anarcho-syndicalist commune approach adopted by Wittertainment as a whole. Sharing with a friend is encouraged.