No redeeming qualities whatsoever

From Witterpedia
Jump to: navigation, search

On the first show after the broadcast of Mark's cameo appearance on Ricky Gervais' sitcom Extras - in which Mark had "reviewed" When The Whistle Blows using the phrase "everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed" - Simon asked listeners to submit suggestions of movies of which everyone involved should indeed be thoroughly ashamed. The qualifier for this was that they had to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Surprisingly few suggestions made the cut. Those that did were:

  • Sex Lives Of The Potato Men - the overwhelming listeners' choice
  • Green Street - of which the writer of the original book was indeed thoroughly ashamed, having told Mark: "I agree, it was horrible. They completely messed it up"
  • Boxing Helena - "if there was a redeeming feature, it would have been chopped off"
  • Battlefield Earth
  • The Crow 2
  • Barb Wire
  • Jack - "that's horrible, that film"
  • Full Frontal

Those that failed:

  • Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones - because Mark's children like the toys
  • The Cell - because it is not bad enough to get worked up about. Simon disagreed with this - he recalled that he hated the film so much he walked out
  • Jaws 3D - because "3D - there's a reason for it to exist" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live
  • Striptease - because it has one good line (the line being "it's insulting to women and it's insulting to heifers")
  • Johnny Mnemonic - because hiring Keanu-nu-nu Reeves to play a man with a vacant space in his head is a piece of inspired casting
  • Baise-Moi - because it is a great piece of exploitation cinema and the two lead actresses knew exactly what they were doing
  • Tin Cup - because it is a great middle-aged fantasy
  • The Da Vinci Code - because the listener-suggested tagline "I know what you did last supper" was so funny it gave the film a reason to exist.

Meanwhile, listeners were also asked to nominate male and female actors whose bodies of work likewise contained no redeeming qualities. Julian Sands was ruled out on the grounds that his performance as a masseuse in Timecode is actually quite good. Michael Bay, likewise, was excluded because - although he should be "thoroughly ashamed in general" - Mark quite liked some parts of Bad Boys. The winner of the male category instead was Rob Schneider, which Mark heartily agreed with; the female winner was Jennifer Aniston, although previous episodes had already established that Aniston in fact should not have qualified as her voiceover work in The Iron Giant is perfectly fine.