According to Mark, on the 13th November 2015 show while reviewing The Lady in the Van, Battenburg cake exists only as a concept in Alan Bennett dramas. He also claims to have lost out in a job interview to a slice of Battenburg, and that for a period of time the BBC Radio 5 Live film reviews were presented by said piece of Battenburg and a cup of tea.
Mr Kipling is considering suing and the Marzipan Marketing Board have put a hit out on Dr Kermode.
Henceforth, 13th November is designated National Battenburg Cake Day.
In a recent poll 53% of Wittertainment listeners expressed a preference for Battenburg.
Other existential cakes are also available.
For a Wittertainment inspired article on Battenburg, its history and how to make this "peculiar" and potentially "shonky" cake, go here.