10 Commandments of Wittertainment

From Witterpedia
Jump to: navigation, search

When spiritualist author Simon Park rewrote the Biblical 10 Commandments for a book - released at the start of 2007 - he talked about them on Simon's 5 Live programme, immediately before Mark's appearance as a contributor. This inevitably led to suggestions for the 10 Commandments of Wittertainment, thus:

1) Thou Shalt Not Be The Death Of Narrative Cinema As We Know It

2) Thou Shalt Blow The Bloody Doors Off

3) Thou Shalt Cut Out Twenty Minutes, And Thou Shalt Make Thine Helicopter To Explodeth

4) Thou Shalt Not Maketh Thy Film Longer In Duration Than The Time It Taketh A Mennonite To Change His Ways (About Two Hours)

5) Thou Shalt As Hero Show No Pain During A Terrific Beating, But Shall Always Wince When A Woman Tries To Clean Your Wounds

6) Thou Shalt Not Cast Orlando Bloom As Anything Other Than A Shrub

7) The Eiffel Tower Shalt Be Seen As The Background Out Of Every Hotel Room In Paris

8) Thou Shalt Not Turn On The Radio In A Film To Add To The Movie's CD Soundtrack

9) Thou Shalt Be Aware At All Times That Singers Are Not Actors

10) Thou Shalt Never Be Taller Than Tom Cruise.

It is interesting to note that the 10 Commandments of Wittertainment appeared at the same time - indeed, on the same show - as a discussion was being had about things to shout at the screen during various films that were on release at the time. Much in the same way as the Biblical Old Testament Commandments came to be supplanted by the New Covenant (for those that believe in That Sort Of Thing), the 10 Commandments of Wittertainment were soon forgotten, to be replaced by the Code of Conduct. The Code, of course, remains in force to this day, and has No Talking as the sixth rule - a rule that would have been violated in Ancient Times by any Wittertainees attending the likes of Babel, Ice Age 2 or even Casino Royale.